The Lower Strangling Chronicles
His Majesty King Charles III assigned the day of the funeral of his mother, Her Majesty, the Queen, a Bank Holiday, and so everyone in Lower Strangling could stay at home and watch the momentous occasion.
They gathered around the TV in the Hangman’s Noose, equipment with glasses of Champagne to that they could toast the deceased monarch when it was appropriate.
“Didn’t it occur to Noah that you could have had a work trip to Westminster Abbey and see the funeral for real?” Sarah asked Dave.
“I don’t think so, no.” Dave said. “He suggested we all visit the Queen lying in state, but none of us wanted to spend the day standing in The Queue.”
“Ok. I suppose if you didn’t want to wait in a queue, you wouldn’t want to stand in a large crowd, either.” Sarah said.
“That’s the gist of it, yes.” Dave said.
In London, Westminster Abbey was home to almost every world leader and the entire line of succession up to Archie Mountbatten Windsor. There was, however, one obvious omission.
“You know, if Putin really wanted to destabilise the West, he could do so easily by hijacking the funeral.” Robert said. “All the key players are here. A lot of chaos could ensue following a strategically placed tactical nuke or some Novichok being released in the Abbey.”
“That is possible,” Simon said, “but let’s hope that either he is being respectful, the idea hasn’t occurred to him, or that he’s too preoccupied with his ‘special military operation’ in Ukraine.”
“Ok,” Robert said.
After a while, the funeral began. It was a grand and somber occasion, with choir music and a slow procession with the coffin.
“This is probably doing wonders for the country and the faith,” Simon said. “goodness knows we need it right not.”
“Therefore, we still need the monarchy.” Paul said. “Without the Royal Family and the spectacle surrounding them, we have nothing.”
“Indeed.” Simon said. “I pray Charles will hold the republicans off for a while yet.”
“So do I, Si, so do I.” Paul said.
The residents of Lower Strangling sat transfixed at the screen as the Archbishop of Canterbury did his sermon. “Those who serve will be loved and remembered longer than those who cling to power and privilege are long forgotten,” He said from the pulpit.
“Was that a subtle dig a Boris, do you think?” Robert asked.
“I think he did a slight glance in his direction.” Paul said.
“I believe it was a more general musing than anything with any real political meaning.” Simon said. “I’m sure the Archbishop realises that the Clergy are meant to be apolitical in public.”
“Says the man who said that any normal person would vote Lib Dem in 2019 and told a load of Conservative voters that they were going to hell last year.*” Paul said.
“I know, and I think we can all agree that it would have been better if I’d kept my mouth shut.” Simon said.
“I guess so.” Paul said.
“I hope I sound this powerful and meaningful during my sermons.” Simon said.
“Trust me, you do.” Paul said.
“Thanks, it’s appreciated.” Simon said.
“No problem,” Paul said.
After a while, it was time for the grand funeral procession around London. The Royal Family, various members of the Commonwealth Armed Forces, and other people walked past iconic London landmarks until they arrived at Wellington Arch.
“It makes me want to visit London again.” Dave said.
“You visit London every day in order to go to work.” Sarah said.
“I know. It makes me look forward to being back in the office tomorrow.” Dave said.
“Can we visit London?” Eleanor said.
“We‘ll plan a visit soon.” Sarah said.
“Ok.” Eleanor said.
After a while, the Queen traveled to Windsor one last time for her committal service at St. George’s.
As she did so, the residents of Lower Strangling toasted her one last time.
“Well, I thought that was very good.” Simon said. “An excellent use of the public purse. Well, apart from helping the poor and funding public services, that is.”
“I think it salvaged our reputation for an hour or two.” Dave said. “Shame that Liz Truss will no doubt ruin it once she get’s going. Oh well, at least there’s Putin, I suppose.”
“Indeed, there’s still Putin.” Simon said.
“To be honest, I’m disappointed that Elton John didn’t sing Candle In the Wind.” Robert said. “I believe that John Ritter piece at the beginning to could have easily transitioned into it.”
“I don’t think so, but each to their own.” Simon said.
“Right. How about we have lunch?” John said. “Pub meals are on me, if you fancy eating in here.”
The others agreed, and so they all sat at the various tables in the pub and made their orders, as Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II made her way to Windsor to be reunited with her husband and parents.
*See Chaos At the Lower Strangling Hustings
The Robinsonverse 