Vaulting Ambition
Of all the things Ardenvale Administrator Gordon Ainsworth was planning to find in his back garden after getting up in the morning, a fully formed maze with a Minotaur in it was not one of them.
He knew something had to be done about the creature before it escaped the confines of his garden and started wreaking havoc in the town.
There was only one way Gordon could think of doing that; by killing the creature.
He, of course, having a six decade long military career under his belt, was more than qualified to do the deed. But he left all that killing malarkey behind when he retired, and he couldn’t really be bothered to face a Minotaur at seven in the morning.
He needed to get someone else to do it, and he knew just the person.
Of all of Gordon’s Administrators, Chris Johnson was perhaps the last person you’d think would be able or willing to enter a maze and kill a Minotaur, but he was the man Gordon decided to choose.
Not best pleased to be woken up by his manager so early in the morning on a Saturday morning, Chris got up, had his breakfast, and went to Gordon’s house, all before his wife had woken up.
”Do I really have to do this?” Chris asked as he looked at the Yew Maze in front of him.
“I’m afraid so, Christopher,” Gordon said. “The fate of Ardenvale rests on you.”
A defining roar came from the maze.
”But you were in the army, Gord,” Chris said. “You’ve killed people before.”
“True, true. But I fear the creature in there is no mere mortal,” Gordon said. “I am not prepared to take out such a thing.”
Chris looked at the sword in his hand and the shield in the other.
“Joe was also in the army,” Chris said. “Couldn’t he do it?”
“I’m afraid not, Christopher,” Gordon said. “He’s far too old to survive such an encounter, and we have no time for an impromptu by-election were our MP to perish in such circumstances.”
Gordon looked intently into Chris’ eyes. “Do you understand?”
Chris sighed sadly. “Yeah.”
“Excellent,” Gordon said. “Now, in you go, Christopher, there’s a good man.”
Before he could protest, Gordon pushed Chris into the maze, ready to kill the Minotaur.
The roars were deafening when Chris walked through the maze.
He walked deliberately slowly, putting off reaching the centre as much as possible.
His wife would have been a better choice to slay the creature, he thought. After all, she was the one with Main Character Syndrome.
Chris, on the other hand, would rather be a background character, a humble extra if you will.
But no, here he was, about to save his town from a creature in a maze his boss had only just realised was in his back garden.
Eventually, Chris reached the centre.
The creature’s roars were now unbearable, and Chris could see its silhouette.
Chris inhaled, then valiantly stepped into the centre of the maze.
Then he saw it. A large, hairy creature with horns. And hooves.
Its body was human, but its head looked more like that of a bull.
It was a Minotaur.
Chris slowly approached the creature, hoping to stab it in the back before it noticed him.
But it was too late. Chris snapped a twig under his foot, and the Minotaur turned round.
The creature roared and lumbered after Chris. Chris took a step back.
He and the Minotaur circled around the edge of the maze’s centre until eventually the creature ran towards Chris.
Accepting his fate, Chris clung to the side of the Yew Hedge with one hand, and pathetically held his sword with the other. He closed his eyes.
Suddenly, silence.
Chris slowly opened his eyes.
He had done it. He had impaled the creature.
Chris removed the sword, and the Minotaur fell to the ground.
Feeling pleased with himself, Chris left the maze. Despite not having planned an escape route, he seemed unfazed.
Once Chris had returned victorious to Gordon Ainsworth’s garden, Gordon took him to the Town Hall to stand on the balcony in front of an adorning crowd.
“This town was in grave danger from a viscous creature,” Gordon said. “But Christopher here saved us.”
Chris beamed as the crowds cheered.
His wife Sophie and dad Geoffrey stood at the front of the crowd, applauding him.
His colleague William gave him a smile and nod, secretly wishing he was the one who’d heroically killed the Minotaur. William’s wife
Sally cheered.
“It is with great pride that I award Christopher the Freedom of Ardenvale,” Gordon said.
Chris beamed once more as he received the award and the crowds cheered.
Chris never gave driving a sheep through the town much thought, but he was glad that he could now.
Suddenly, he heard a strange sound. A beeping sound. Almost like… an alarm.
Chris woke up. Of course, it was a dream.
How could he possibly think it was real?
Minotaurs don’t exist outside of Greek Mythology, do they?
And Gordon’s garden was far too small to house a maze.
Ashamed of himself for not being able to differentiate between reality and the dream world, Chris went downstairs.
”So you still won’t be able to drive a sheep through the centre of town, will you?” Chris’ wife, Sophie, said after he recounted his dream
to her over breakfast.
Chris sighed sadly. “No.”
”Oh well. I’m sure there will be other opportunities to be awarded the Freedom of Ardenvale outside of your subconscious,” Sophie said before eating a spoonful of her granola.
“Yeah,” Chris said.
There was a brief silence before Sophie said, “I could slay a Minotaur.”
“Really?” Chris said.
”Yes. Quite easily, I would imagine. I would rush through the maze and behead the creature with one fell swoop. The townspeople would be cheering my name within ten minutes,” Sophie said, grinning to herself at the thought.
”Interesting,” Chris said, eating a bit of his sausage.
“Of course, I could simply tame the creature and give it a haircut,” Sophie said. “It depends on how merciful I felt on the day, I suppose.”
“Good thing they don’t exist, Soph,” Chris said before eating some of his poached egg.
With that, Chris and Sophie finished their breakfast and got ready to begin the day for real, and Chris made a mental note to attend a lucid dreaming course.
The Robinsonverse 