The Contemplation of Noah Campbell

For the first time since moving in, Banana CEO Noah Campbell finally knew that it definitely was a good idea to buy a mansion in Cornwall and commute to London via private helicopter.

For him, the COVID-19 lockdown was an absolute doddle, he didn’t need to leave his property at all except to get food, as his extensive garden provided him with all the exercise he needed.

In fact, he was beginning to feel sorry for his employees, who all lived in the big smoke.1

Ok, so perhaps Liam Davies had a nice Georgian terraced house in Queen Anne’s Gate within walking distance of St James’ Park and Buckingham Palace, but that doesn’t beat extensive parkland and gardens plus a view of the River Fal now does it?

But right at this very moment, Noah was feeling sad. Sad because soon he’ll have no choice but to tell his helicopter pilot that he was back off furlough and tell his employees to resume work in their central London tower block. Unless of course he convinced them all to work from home forever, but he doubted he could.

Noah was also worried. Worried because soon the Police and the press will find out that he too was affiliated with Fredrick Berenstainand Brianna Martin and that party he held for them, and Wilfred Davison at the mansion in the mid nineties, in which several underage girls from the nearby town of St Mawes were hired as waitresses for the party, albeit dressed in skimpy outfits and as such were molested by Epstein and other people at the party who were into that kind of thing.

Noah himself did not do anything physical, as that wasn’t really his schtick. But he did hire the girls and provided the venue and, well, allowed them to be molested, as he wasn’t one to judge how others had a good time.2

Noah had managed to forget about that party, but the recent unearthing of Berenstain’s past and his friendships with the worlds most influential people had brought those memories right back.

Fortunately Wilfred had beared the brunt of the public backlash and the media scrutiny so far, and he had kept his promise to Noah that he would not talk about the Cornwall Incident or Noah’s affiliation with Berenstain.

All seemed to be fine, until people suddenly got interested in Brianna Martin, and now it seemed all too clear that soon word of the Cornwall Incident would get out. Surely the young girls, now women with lives of their own, would want justice. And so, Noah Campbell prepared for the worst.

Whilst he walked in the grounds, he thought of what to say to defend himself when the press knocked in his door; “I just thought Fredrick wanted to support local employment, I didn’t know he wanted to that to them”, “they looked quite mature for their age”, “they were enjoying it, or at least I thought they were”, “I myself did not par take in it, I’m not a fan of that sort of thing, but if other people enjoy it then that’s fine by me”, or the classic “I suppose my only mistake was that I was too honourable”, “ok, so perhaps the party was at my mansion, but I was at Rick Stein’s restaurant in Padstow at the time.”

He knew that whatever excuse he used, it should be enough to whet the press’s appetite, even if the women he allowed to be abused wanted him to loose Banana and possibly end up in prison. With that, he entered his mansion to have some lunch.

That night, something odd happened. Noah could swear he could hear people singing, so he walked out into the dead of night to listen.

He could hear the sounds of people singing “One Day More” from Les Misérables in the local neighbourhood that surrounded his private peninsular, including the infamous St Mawes. Noah quite liked the singing, so he sat down on a bench and listened through the whole song. At least he took his mind of Jeffery Epstein and the Cornwall Incident.

What Noah didn’t know, what that there were people singing the song in the whole country. As the people singing were members of Equity; the Actors Union, getting ready to protest Boris Johnson’s failure to provide emergency funding to their industry3. The protests themselves were to start across the country the following morning, this was just the preparation song that needed to be sung the night before.

The protests were being led by Christopher Shakespeare, a method actor in Leamington Spa, who was leading the actors in his area in song.

“Tomorrow we’ll be far away, tomorrow is the judgement day. Tomorrow we’ll discover what our God in heaven has in store! One more dawn. One more day. One day moooorrrreeeee!” sang Christopher and his entourage in the middle of the parade before awkwardly walking away in the middle of the night.


1. Well, except for Dave Peterson, who also realised that there was no point living in London if you can have a nice manor in the country and commute via whatever means necessary. Except Dave chose the more conventional route of going by train.

2. Although, on the plus side, he did pay for the girls therapy sessions after that night. Mainly because their parents insisted, not because he wanted to.

3. The protests were planned before Boris Johnson’s £1.5 billion lifeline, but they weren’t going to let a good protest go to waste.

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