Concerning Aliens

Vaultless Ambition

For almost all his life, Chief Administrator Brigadier Gordon Ainsworth was certain that Aliens existed. His belief in them was a strong as his belief in God.

This belief only became stronger after he watched E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial as a thirty-year-old, a film he was convinced was a fly-on-the-wall documentary.

Since then, he only had one goal; meet E.T. himself and tell him personally how much he enjoyed his film.

He credited surviving his military experience to his dream of meeting the little brown man.

So far, that dream had yet to be realised, but he hoped that was about to change.

His friend and former comrade, Stratford-Upon-Avon MP Joseph Benson, had arranged a trip to Jodrell Bank, so that Gordon may actually be able to have a phone call with the man himself.

”I visited Area 51, you know,” Gordon said to one of the scientists on duty. “The Americans weren’t much help, all they did was deny any knowledge of contact with extra-terrestrial life. I hoping I may have more joy here.”

The scientist sighed sadly. “I’m afraid we’ll have to disappoint you, sir,” they said, “even if aliens do exist, E. T. most definitely does not.”

”Poppycock,” Gordon said, “I saw him, clear as day in 1982.”

”That was a puppet, sir,” The scientist said. “The film was fiction.”

“Indeed, that is what mr Spielberg and the US government would like you to believe,” Gordon said, “but they can’t fool me that easily.”

“No, I’m pretty sure it was a puppet, sir,” the scientist said. “There are behind the scenes and videos available on the internet.”

“They were most likely created to preserve the illusion that a real Extra-Terrestrial crash landed into an American suburb in the early eighties,” Gordon said. “It just a shame he didn’t crash land in central London, that way I may have been able to meet him in person.”

“I’ll find a photo to show you,” the scientist said. “That might help you put this chapter of your life to bed.”

The scientist successfully found photos of the E. T. puppet, but decided not to show them to Gordon as he felt seeing the disintegrated carcass of his childhood icon would only distress him further.

“No, you’re right, it probably was just a government cover up,”​ the scientist said.

Gordon glanced at the ginormous Lovell Telescope that was in front of him and the scientist.

“Now that we’re on the same wavelength, could you set up my telecommunication with him now?” Gordon said.

”Of course, sir.” The scientist said.

The two men then walked over to one of the laboratories.

The scientist allowed Gordon to play a simple electronic tune on a small keyboard for a brief moment before asking him what on earth he was doing.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Gordon said. “I’m trying to engage contact with E. T. by playing his favourite song.”

The scientist looked at Gordon in astonishment.

Deep down, they knew that Bernard Lovell would be turning in his grave if he knew that his telescope was being used for this exact purpose.

But on the other hand, they enjoyed seeing the joy they were bringing to this man who genuinely thought he was about to have a phone call with a fictional alien.

“That’s not how radio astronomy works, sir,” the scientist eventually said, “besides, they used that song to communicate with the aliens in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, not E. T.”

“I’m sure E. T. will be equally appreciative of it,” Gordon said.

“He may do,” the scientist said. “It’s a nice tune.”

“Certainly,” Gordon said.

A few hours past, and absolutely no contact with any intergalactic life form was made.

Granted, they had made a few extraordinary discoveries about the universe that changed what was previously known forever, but that was nothing compared to having a lengthy conversation with an actual alien.

Eventually, it was time to call it a day.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to talk to E. T., sir,” the scientist said as they walked away from the Lovell telescope. “Perhaps next time though.”

“Yes. I shall persevere,” Gordon said. “The little rascal can’t evade me forever.”

“I don’t doubt that for a second, sir,” the scientist said.

“Farewell, old chap, tell if you do make contact with any extra-terrestrials, won’t you?” Gordon said.

”Don’t worry, sir, we will,” the scientist said.

With that, Gordon drove off home, and the scientist returned to work, relieved that it was all over.

The next morning, Gordon visited his old pal Joseph for a cup of tea and a debrief.

“Unfortunately I am yet to make contact with the little fellow,” Gordon said.

“To be honest, I don’t know where we go from here, Gord,” Joseph said. “If neither Area 51 or Jodrell Bank can help us, God knows who can.“

“I have signed up to be on the panel of delegates when the little green men finally decide to show themselves,” Gordon said. “I might be able to meet him then.”

“Or you could try getting in touch with the actors in E. T.,” Joseph said. “Perhaps even Mr Spielberg himself.”

“That won’t be much good. They’ll only repeat the usual claptrap about him being a puppet, as they’ve been trained to do,” Gordon said.

Gordon took another sip of his tea, and the conversation turned to political matters.

One day, Gordon will meet E. T. the Extra-terrestrial and personally thank him for his role in the 1982 Steven Spielberg documentary.

It was only a matter of time.