Vaulting Ambition
The atmosphere in the churchyard of St Micheal’s was serene, as it always was in the early days of November.
The Rev. Elias Blackwood used this time as a period of meditation after trying his best to survive the occult devil worship that occurred on All Hallows Eve the previous night, especially since his hip Youth Pastor seemed hell-bent on persuading him that it was all harmless fun.
He grumbled as he picked up a Jack-O-Lantern that said Youth Pastor had carved as part of the Pumpkin Carving session she’d led for the young children in Ardenvale.
Its triangular eyes, triangular nose and jagged teeth made him grimace.
He held his nose up as he carried the pumpkin to its final resting place, the food waste bin, and triumphantly smiled as he flung it in and closed the lid.
”Never do that again,” Elias told Sally, the aforementioned Youth Pastor.
Her eyebrows squished together as she shrugged.
”Whyever not?” she said. “What’s so bad about kids having fun and being creative?”
”What you did yesterday was authorise the use of this sacred house for Satanic worship,” Elias said
“They’re just vegetables,” Sally said. “There’s nothing remotely Satanic about them.”
“What about the gruesome faces carved onto them?” Elias said.
Sally laughed like a child. Elias frowned at her.
“You seriously think there’s something grotesque about triangles?” Sally said.
”When coupled with the connotations of Halloween, yes,” Elias said.
Sally sighed.
“Just give it a rest,” Sally said. “Sooner or later, you’ll have to realise that the Christian and secular worlds must join hand in hand if the church is to survive.”
Sally picked up some Bibles and placed them in the pews around her.
Elias observed her as she carried out her duties.
”How was the… trick or treating?” Elias said.
Sally looked up at the vicar.
”It was good,” Sally said. “The kids were happy with their sweets.”
”I hope you didn’t partake in terrifying the elderly,” Elias said. “You cannot possibly claim that as Christian behaviour.”
Sally crossed her arms.
”No, we avoided the Almshouses,” Sally said. “We just went to people who were willing to participate. Again, only happy kids having fun.”
Elias glowered at Sally before taking down the various Halloween decorations she had lying around.
“The Halloween party was good,” Sally said. “You would’ve loved it.”
Elias glared at Sally.
”It sounds like my own personal hell,” he said.
“Oh, come off it,” Sally said. “Live a little. Will’s dad came along and seemed to enjoy it.”
“Just because Lord Ardenvale decided to support his son and daughter-in-law’s endeavours doesn’t mean I have to too.”
“Come along next year,” Sally said. “It could be a revelation.”
Elias’ eyes bulged, and his mouth dropped open slowly.
He shook his head and took down the remaining Halloween decorations.
”The Bishop is becoming increasingly concerned about your Heresy,” Elias said.
”Fine,” Sally said. “He’s going to find I’m right eventually.”
Within a moment, General Sir Gordon Ainsworth, Chief Administrator for Ardenvale, barged through the church doors.
Both Elias and Sally jolted at the sound of the doors slamming.
“Reverend!” Gordon boomed as he marched down the nave.
Elias and Sally quickly stood to attention and saluted the decorated retired army veteran.
”You have to come to the Administrative Offices immediately.” Gordon said.
“For what reason,” Elias asked.
”There’s been an altercation at Marshall Incorporated,” Gordon said. “Two employees were threatening to stab each other, apparently because one lied to the other about his girlfriend having an affair because he secretly loved her instead.”
”How could he love her if he’s willing to tell a lie like that?” Sally said.
”It seems he’s just rather petty,” Gordon said. “Ian and Oliver, they’re called. Oliver had a promotion that Ian wanted, so he decided to lie about an affair to get revenge.”
”Both of these gentlemen seem very disturbed,” Elias said.
Gordon chuckled. “Yes, quite. What’s even more bizarre is that Oliver was going to kill his girlfriend because of the lie and would have succeeded had Ian’s girlfriend not told him the truth.”
“Women sticking up for women, as usual,” Sally said.
Gordon grinned. “So, instead, Oliver went for Ian, who decided to try and kill him before he succeeded.”
”I hope both their girlfriends dump them,” Sally said. “Neither of them sounds like they’re worth it.”
“Fortunately, Rebecca called us in before they fatally wounded each other and are now safely locked up in the dungeon underneath the offices,” Gordon said.
Sally and Elias glanced at each other.
”I’m pleased to hear it, but why does this concern the church?” Elias said.
Gordon rubbed the back of his balding head. “I thought you would understand from my recollection of events that they need spiritual cleansing before they are fit to return to work.”
Elias bowed his head. “Indeed I do; I shall come to the Offices immediately.”
Sally laughed. “The whole thing sounds like something out of a Cranmer play.”
Gordon chuckled. “Yes, I think you might be right.”
Gordon clicked his heels. “Right, no time like the present. Come alone, Reverend.”
Gordon marched down the nave towards the church entrance.
Elias turned to Sally. “Continue eradicating all traces of the heinous Halloween tradition whilst I’m away. I want St Michael’s to look exactly as it did before October when I return.”
”Ok,” Sally said. “Do you want me to put up the Christmas decorations?”
Elias frowned at Sally. “No. The Nativity set goes up in mid-November, and nothing else will adorn this church. Now, good day.”
The Vicar managed to reach the Chief Administrator before he left the church.
”It was good to see you again, Sally,” Gordon said. “Looking ravishing as ever, I must say. If young Mr Darcy loses interest, you know where to find me.”
Sally frowned; her body sagged. “Yes,” she said. “I do.”
Gordon and Elias left the church, and with a slam of the doors, Sally was alone.
In minutes, Sally removed all the remaining Halloween decorations and stored them for another year.
She smiled at the sun shining through the stained glass windows.
All she had to do was wait for Bonfire Night to pass, and then, as the lights hanging up in town ready to be lit signified, Christmas was only around the corner.
The Robinsonverse 