Vaulting Ambition
Sally Darcy, Lady Cisnie, and archaeologist Alice Jones had never met each other before, and yet were physically identical.
Which was strange, as in some ways they couldn’t be more different.
Sally was English and married into the Aristocracy, whereas Alice was American and married to a commoner, albeit one of the wealthier ones.
Lady Cisnie was a Youth Pastor at the local church in Cygninia, the town where she lived, whereas Alice was an agnostic.
They both even went to rival universities, Sally to Cantabrigia and Alice to Oxenaforda.
Yet when they crossed paths at a book launch in a tiny branch of Millstone’s in Cygninia, they got on like a house on fire.
Of course, there was initial confusion when Sally’s friend Olivia Clark, there to represent the publisher of the book Millstones was launching, greeted Alice, thinking she was Sally.
Initially Alice felt uncomfortable about being mistaken for someone she was not, as being in a crowded room with people she didn’t know had already triggered her social anxiety. Still, she eventually relaxed once she met her doppelgänger and the mix-up was cleared.
Alice was visiting Cygninia to excavate the grave of the town’s famous son, 15th-century playwright Francis Cranmer, to discover the secrets that lay there, but decided to attend the book launch as she had a vague interest in the author of the novel the bookstore was holding an event for, Thomas Lewis.
“We only have one rule here,” Sally said as she inducted her replicant to the town. “Be kind, have fun, and relax.”
Lady Cisnie’s husband, William, Lord Cisnie, leaned closer to Alice. “It’s more of a social nicety than anything legally binding. We can’t arrest anyone for being a dick, unfortunately.”
Chris Johnson, a friend of the Darcys, shuffled closer to the visitor, refusing to make eye contact. “UK Law still applies here, obviously.”
“Noted,” Alice said, grinning.
William took a few steps back, inspecting his wife’s facsimile. “You feel brave enough to risk Cranmer’s curse, do you?”
“It’s just poetry,” Alice said. “Words have power, but not that kind of power. Besides, I’ve experienced my own fair share of weird shit anyway.”
Sally laughed and glanced at Olivia.
Olivia was examining the poetry section of the bookstore; her eyes brimming with water.
She sighed, and smiled sadly at Sally.
Sally frowned at her, before returning to Alice.
“Why are you interested in digging up his grave in the first place?” Sally said. “Is it because the gravediggers possibly buried the original plays with him?”
“Yeah, basically,” Alice said. “The dig may finally solve the mystery of the plays’ authorship.”
“I see,” Sally said, pursing her lips.
“Obviously it would suck ass for you guys if it turns out he didn’t write them,” Alice said, sipping her wine. “But on the plus side, if the dig proves he did write them, then you can rest easy.”
“Of course, if you discover a lie is the foundation of Cygninia’s reputation, then we will promptly ignore it,” Sally said.
“Fine,” Alice said, laughing.
Sally glanced at the people around her and grimaced.
“I honestly don’t understand why so many people want to celebrate this drivel. You wouldn’t have missed anything if you didn’t attend, Alice. In fact, if anything, this event is a stain on our town.”
“Why?” Alice said. “I think his books are pretty neat.”
Sally’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped. “You actually enjoy Thomas’ slop?”
“Yeah, so what?” Alice said. “Like, yeah, there are quite a lot of typos, and I usually ensure my books are less than a trillion pages long.”
Alice grabbed her latest book, Bones: What They Reveal About Ourselves, from the best sellers table and held it aloft.
“But I think the ideas explored in Thomas’ novels are really interesting. If you focus on what lies beyond the words, rather than how the book presents them, then the novels are quite thought-provoking.”
“Each to their own, I suppose,” Sally said, crossing her arms and quaffing some wine.
Alice clocked the sandglass displayed on the table where copies of Thomas’ latest novel were.
“The hourglass suggests his latest book explores themes of mortality and the passage of time,” Alice said. “It’s gearing up to be a thought-provoking read.”
Sally pouted and nodded her head before being distracted by the arrival of Mia, her other friend from university and Thomas’ agent.
Finding herself alone as Sally and Mia wandered to another part of the book launch, Alice took the opportunity to restock her paper plate with nibbles.
A woman working in the shop made her way to the bottom of the stairs and grabbed the attention of her audience.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” she said, smiling at the crowd. “Thank you so much for coming to this afternoon’s event.”
“Not that he deserves our company,” Sally said under her breath.
Alice squinted at Sally; so much for being kind to others, she thought.
“This is the third book launch Mr Lewis has done with us,” the bookseller said. “And we are eternally grateful for him to come all the way from San Francisco to join us.”
“I’d rather he didn’t bother,” Sally said to Mia, who chuckled slightly.
The bookseller clasped her hands and smiled. “I think we’ve gone long enough without the presence of the man himself.”
“Oh no, please keep him waiting longer, preferably all day,” Sally said, rolling her eyes.
Alice’s lips curled backwards as she observed the Youth Pastor.
“So, without further ado, please welcome, Mr Thomas Lewis,” the bookseller said, stepping aside as the room broke into rapturous applause.
Thomas Lewis, dressed in his classic mauve jumper and elbow-patched tweed jacket, sauntered down the stairs onto the ground floor, an egracious grin on his face.
He bowed, and dimmed the volume with his hands.
“I’m gonna give you guys a moment,” Thomas said, wandering through the crowd and parting it as Moses did the Red Sea. “So you can adjust to being in the same room as the greatest writer who ever lived.”
Sally dry heaved and gazed at her feet.
Thomas grabbed his hefty brick of a book and cradled it in his arms.
“To say this is the best book I’ve ever written would be a fallacy,” Thomas said, leering at his adoring fans.
“You can say that again,” Sally said, placing an arm around Olivia’s shoulders.
“That would be the book I’m currently writing, the fourth in my series of unknown length,” Thomas said to various laughs from the crowd.
“He says that about every one of his books,” Olivia said, sniffing and wiping her nose.
“I know,” Sally said, squeezing Olivia to her side. “He’s never right, though.”
Alice edged closer to Sally and her friends, and stood a few inches behind them.
“I think that’s good, constantly perfecting my work with each project,” Thomas said. “It means I’m doing something right.”
Sally scoffed and rolled her eyes.
Thomas paced around the room so that everyone got a good view of him.
“This is, quite possibly, the most important book you will ever read,” Thomas said, struggling to steady his wobbling arms as he held his mighty volume above his head. “What you think you know about the universe, and how it works, will be forever changed.”
Alice nodded, cupping her elbow in one hand whilst tapping her lips with the other.
“I felt compelled to write this novel one night a year ago,” Thomas said, swaying to one side under the weight of his book. “A niggling feeling was keeping me up at night. Like the universe was calling me to do so. Heck, some of the more feeble minded amongst may think it was God.”
Sally’s nostrils flared as she clenched her fists.
The mass of Thomas’ publication was too much for him to bear, and he stumbled across the room and fell into a bookshelf.
The more loyal people in the room gasped with shock.
Alice drew her eyebrows together and made a move towards Thomas, but stopped when she saw a group of staff gather round the author to help him up.
Sally covered her mouth to hide her sniggers better.
Alice noticed her counterpart vibrate with her laughter, and stared at her with wide eyes and a gaping mouth.
Thomas slowly rose to his feet, and brushed himself off.
Alice marched over to Sally and tapped her on the shoulder.
Sally spun round and raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”
“Why are you laughing at him?” Alice said, scowling. “He could be seriously hurt.”
“Because God is having a little joke at his expense,” Sally said. “Quite frankly, it serves him right for calling God’s followers feeble-minded.”
“Clearly your town’s rule doesn’t mean much to you if you feel ok with being disrespectful to Thomas,” Alice said, scowling at her clone.
Sally stared at Alice for a moment, and crossed her arms. “Imagine putting up with him at university for three years whilst he disparages your friends and constantly hits on you even after you’ve found someone else, then you’ll see how easy it is to be respectful.”
Alice turned inward, and gazed at the floor, frowning. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
Sally sighed. “But you’re right, we must love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.”
Alice and her facsimile exchanged smiles before Thomas was back in action.
The crowd broke into rapturous applause as the author waltzed towards them.
“I’m now gonna be signing books at the table over there,” Thomas said, striding over to the table. “Come, buy a book, meet a real genius, and have your minds blown.”
As he eased himself behind the table and clicked his pen open, a long queue formed in front of it.
Alice joined it gladly, but Sally stood to the side, clutching her arms.
“You not gonna buy a copy?” Alice said,
Sally shook her head. “We usually only buy one copy.”
Lady Cisnie pointed to her husband, who eagerly stood in the middle of the queue, waiting to buy the book.
“Oh,” Alice said, chuckling, and focused on the line of people in front of her.
Sally wandered over to the book shelves, and browsed the other books available.
“So now she has to stand at the sidelines and watch him have the success that was rightfully hers,” Sally said, lugging the Darcys’ copy of Thomas’ novel down Cygninia’s High Street.
Alice frowned at Olivia. “Geez, that sucks.”
“It’s fine,” Olivia said. “Inkwell provide a reliable income, even if the job isn’t that exciting.”
“Have you considered picking up a pen and trying again?” Alice said. “What Thomas told you was bull; poetry isn’t a degenerate art form.”
Olivia grimaced and shook her head. “Nah, I burned my notebook years ago. I know my fate.”
Sally brought Olivia into a tight embrace, forgetting the heavy book in her bag.
It swung round and hit Olivia’s back hard.
Olivia seethed, rubbing the back of her legs.
Sally gasped and froze on the spot. “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry!”
“It’s fine, I think it’s just a bruise,” Olivia said, quickening her pace.
Sally handed her book to William, who carried it to the car, even if he did initially buckle under the weight of the thing.
Eventually, they reached the majestic 15th-century building that housed the Cranmer, one of the most luxurious of Cygninia’s hotels.
William unlocked the Midnight Blue Rolls-Royce Phantom parked outside the hotel and flung the book into the car, where it landed with a loud thud.
“Well, this is me,” Alice said, stepping through the front door.
“It was good to meet you,” Sally said, smiling at her unrelated twin. “Even if meeting a stranger that’s identical to myself was a little disconcerting at first.”
“Sure,” Alice said, grinning. “But hey, everybody’s got a double somewhere, right? Heck, your friend Chris looks like my brother-in-law.”
Sally did a double take, staring at Alice like a deer in headlights, then relaxed.
“I suppose so,” Sally said. “I’m not usually at work tomorrow, but I could come into the church anyway if you fancy any refreshments whilst you excavate Cranmer’s grave.”
“That’d be great,” Alice said, before turning to Olivia.
“Nice meeting you too,” Alice said. “You should really buy another notebook and start writing again. There’s no point letting something some douchbag said at college bug you for the rest of your life.”
“Yeah,” Olivia said, nodding. “I’ll think about it.”
Alice gave a final wave to her new friends and disappeared into the hotel.
Olivia bid farewell to the Darcys and returned to the hotel where she was staying.
The sun shone in Sally’s eyes as she opened the passenger side of the Rolls-Royce.
“It’s about time I forgave Thomas, isn’t it?” Sally said as William leapt into the driver’s seat.
“Yes, that could be a good idea, darling,” William said, turning on the ignition. “If you feel up to it, that is.”
Sally slammed the door shut and put her seatbelt on.
“I haven’t quite shaken off the butterflies that flutter in my stomach when I consider the idea,” Sally said, as William cruised off towards Cisnie Hall, their country pile. “But I should really grow a proverbial pair and do it, shouldn’t I?”
She peered out of the window at the sky. “You’d want me to do that, wouldn’t you?”
A smile flashed on William’s face. “Doing so would take a lot off your chest, and would be in keeping with Cygninia’s sacred rule.”
“Yes,” Sally said. “It would.”
And so Lord and Lady Cisnie sped off in their Rolls-Royce Phantom, and the sun cast a golden brown over the town of Cygninia as it set.
The Robinsonverse 