The Lower Strangling Chronicles
It was a glorious July day, and crowds filled the centre of Lower Strangling for the annual summer Village Fete.
This year was unique, as a special guest had agreed to open the fair.
“It is my greatest pleasure to be with you all today,” Labour MP Adam Ainsworth said to the crowds.
The crowds cheered and roared.
“There’s no other place I’d rather spend a sunny weekend in July,” Adam said. “Least of all the House of Commons.”
The crowds laughed, and others gave knowing nods.
“Anyway, without further ado, I now declare the 2024 Lower Strangling Village Fete open!”
Adam held the comically large scissors and cut a large red ribbon behind him.
The crowds cheered one final time before observing the various stalls on offer.
Jo Whitely, sole gardener of the Botanic Garden, showed Adam the Peat Free compost she was trialling in the garden.
“It has no negative effects on the plants and protects peat bogs,” Jo said. “Keeping Carbon Dioxide locked underneath the ground.”
“It’s certainly a surefire way to combat climate change,” Adam said. “I’ll get the council to look into it.”
“Yeah,” Jo said. “We’re also working with Nematodes.”
“Nematodes?” Adam said.
“Small organisms,” Jo said. “They live in the solid and kill pests. Organic pest control.”
“Minimising the need for chemicals,” Adam said. “I like it.”
Jo smiled, enjoying that the new MP seemed impressed by her ecological efforts.
After a while, it was time for the inaugural Village Bake Off.
Competing against each other were the Rev. Simon Abernathy, Adele Granger, the daughter of John, the local publican, Janet Foster, Simon’s Administrator and a village councillor, and Dave Peterson, a man who lived in the village but worked in London.
Simon was baking his signature Lemon Drizzle cake, Adele was baking Vegan Pot Pie, Janet was baking a vegan Pain Au chocolate, and Dave was baking his mother’s Wild Garlic, Chicken, and Leek Pie.
Only the contestants knew what they were making. For Adam, it would be a surprise.
They were confident in their abilities, but Dave knew he would win because no one could resist his mother’s pie.
It was because of only one particular ingredient, a secret she would have taken to the grave had she not revealed it to him.
“On your marks, get set, bake!” Adam said as the audience cheered on their favourite contestant.
Simon bunged the first set of ingredients into a bowl and mixed them like mad.
Adele carefully placed the outer crust of her pie into a pie dish.
Janet rolled out her Pan Au Chocolat puff pastry onto the work surface.
Dave sprinkled some wild garlic leaves into a pan of sizzling butter.
The contestants continued to bake their various recipes until they started taking shape.
Finally, it was the moment Dave had been waiting for the secret ingredient.
He knelt underneath his work surface and looked through the cupboard.
But to his horror, he found nothing. The ingredient was missing.
Sarah Peterson, his loyal wife, was watching from the crowd when she began to see him frantically looking around his miniature kitchen.
She knew something was wrong, so she rushed over to him.
“Is everything alright, Dave?” Sarah said.
“Yeah, pretty much,” Dave said. “If I can find the secret ingredient.”
“Don’t say you’ve forgotten,” Sarah said.
“I haven’t,” Dave said. “It was here a minute ago.”
Adam Ainsworth noticed the couple talking, so he walked over to them.
“Excuse me,” Adam said. “Collusion isn’t allowed in the competition.”
“Sorry,” Sarah said, then turned back to her husband.
Dave had stopped searching, a look of desperation on his face.
“It’s gone,” Dave said. “I don’t know how, but it’s gone.”
He looked at his rivals, who were all close to finishing.
“I suppose the others may have wanted to spice their’s up with a bit of Cornish Sea Salt.”
“I doubt it,” Sarah said. “They seem content with what they’re doing.”
Dave looked at his wife for a moment.
“Maybe I did leave it in the kitchen after all,” Dave said.
“I’ll check,” Sarah said before dashing as fast as she could towards the manor.
Dave could not do anything else until he had the ingredients, but he also couldn’t stand there, so he mimed adding more things to a bowl and mixing them.
Sarah zoomed into the kitchen and whipped open several drawers and cupboards.
“Come on, come on, come on!” She said as she threw cutlery, plates, cups, and cans across the floor.
Eventually, she found a jar of Mrs Peterson’s Original Cornish Sea Salt.
She sighed with relief and rushed out of the house, making a mental note to clean up after the competition.
A wide grin appeared on Dave’s face when he saw his wife running over to him with the jar.
She handed it over to him and returned to her original spot at the front of the crowd.
Dave sprinkled some salt onto the pie and placed it in the oven.
A few minutes later, the contestants finished baking.
Adam slowly paced up and down the table, looking at the sumptuous food in front of him.
“Well, they certainly all look tempting,” Adam said.
He put a slice of Simon’s lemon drizzle onto a plate and took a bite.
“This is the best lemon drizzle cake I’ve ever eaten,” Adam said.
“That’s most kind, Mr Ainsworth,” Simon said.
“But is it enough to win the competition,” Adam said. “We shall see.”
He took a slice of Adele’s vegan pot pie and ate a bit.
“Mmmm,” he said. “It’s bursting with flavour. I’m almost tempted to eat the whole thing.”
Adele failed to suppress a large smug grin appearing on her face.
Adam turned towards Janet, who politely bowed her head as if he were the King himself.
He took a bite out of the Pan Au Chocolat.
“Very light and fluffy,” he said. “It’s going to be very hard to choose a winner.”
Last but not least, he turned towards Dave.
He placed a slice of the pie onto a plate, intrigued by the filling.
He brought it to his mouth and savoured the flavour.
Suddenly, disgust appeared on his face, and he spat the pie onto the plate.
“I’m sorry, is this Chicken?” Adam said.
“Yeah,” Dave said. “My mum’s speciality.”
“I’m vegan,” Adam said. “Weren’t you aware of that?”
A look of shock appeared on Dave’s face.
He looked at Adele and Janet, who smiled at him triumphantly.
Adam turned towards the audience.
“I now declare Adele Granger the winner,” Adam said.
Adele raised her arms in the air as the crowds cheered.
Dave sighed in defeat and walked over to his wife, cradling the salt.
“They didn’t mention anything about the food needing to be vegan,” Dave said.
“That was a mistake on Simon’s part,” Sarah said. “Hopefully, the rules for next year will be clearer.”
“I’ll let someone else have a go next year,” Dave said.
Sarah placed an arm around Dave’s shoulders as they returned to their manor.
“That was the first time someone rejected my mum’s pie,” Dave said.
“Let’s pray it’s the last,” Sarah said.
Dave was relieved to be back inside the homely confines of his manor.
“I’m going to put the kettle on,” Dave said. “I need a cuppa after that ordeal.”
Dave walked into the kitchen and froze for a moment.
“Oh,” he said, observing the shattered glass and ceramics on the floor.
Sarah sheepishly walked next to him.
“Yes,” Sarah said. “We’re going to need another trip to John Lewis.”
The Robinsonverse 